Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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