He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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