who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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