Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I need water and some morals
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
