Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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