I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
