Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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