what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
