On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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