i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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