Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
