im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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