I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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