I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I just googled if crying burns calories
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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