Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
