and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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