Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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