I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
