I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
