Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize
