adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
