I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
