I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
