I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
