This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
