She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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