I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
