when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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