So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
