there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
