too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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