I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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