I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
