i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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