tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
