I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Randomize
