The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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