I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
