Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
