Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
