walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
