You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
