paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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