Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
