i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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