Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
