Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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