dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
