I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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