That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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