did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
