You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
